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Some Truths About Golf PDF Print E-mail
Written by The Sawyers   
Friday, 10 November 2006

Now that the golf season is over, it is time to realize certain things:

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle

The best wood in most amateurs' golf bag is the pencil


If you think it's hard meeting new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball


To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly

 

Tee your ball high...air offers less resistance than dirt

The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of 'maul it again'

A 'gimme' is best defined as an agreement between two golfers neither of whom can putt very well


An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse


The members who command the best service at a golf club either have the lowest handicaps or the highest bar bills


Golf is an awkward set of body contractions designed to produce a graceful result


Why is it twice as hard to hit a ball over sand or water?


Some golfers believe 'overclubbing' can be corrected by 'overlooking' or 'undercounting', and when using a caddy, 'overtipping'


If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you have actually lost, your focus is entirely wrong and your personality might not be right for golf ... See a counsellor


The trees taunt you, the sand mocks you, the water calls your name...and they say golf is a quiet game

The reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you


He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie

If you have lost more than four golf balls on any given hole, for safety reasons, let your partner drive the cart

 

Golf's three ugliest words ... you're still away

Read more...
 
2005 in Review PDF Print E-mail
Written by JibJab   
Wednesday, 16 August 2006

 
Bush Impression PDF Print E-mail
Written by The Sawyers   
Thursday, 03 August 2006
Last Updated ( Saturday, 12 August 2006 )
 
Life Explained PDF Print E-mail
Written by The Sawyers   
Thursday, 03 August 2006

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family! For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

 

Last Updated ( Thursday, 03 August 2006 )
 
Poker Johnny PDF Print E-mail
Written by The Sawyers   
Friday, 30 June 2006
The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he says, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

Little Johnny smiles and says, "Jack."
 
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He who laughs last thinks slowest!

 

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Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 

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